Search results for: the-funniest-thing-you-never-said

Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

Author : Rosemarie Jarski
File Size : 73.79 MB
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The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

A Word from the Wise

Author : Rosemarie Jarski
File Size : 46.91 MB
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'A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees,' as William Blake so aptly put it. What he probably meant, being a publisher and a printer himself, was that the wise man cuts down the tree and turns the resultant paper into a one-size-fits-all book packed with the sagest advice, quips and quotations from some of the wisest and funniest people whose counsel you could ever wish to hear.A WORD FROM THE WISE is a one-stop shop with over 6,000 quotes. It's a vast resource, but every one is a gem, from such knowledgeable souls as Hunter S Thompson, The Talmud, Dorothy Parker and Daffy Duck.With each quote handily placed within every possible category you could think of, and with more quotes in every genre than anywhere else, A WORD FROM THE WISE is a must for anyone who thinks they could do with knowing a little bit or a lot more.'A quotation at the right moment is like bread in a famine' The Talmud'Imagination is more important than knowledge' Albert Einstein'If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars' John Paul Getty'Violence is the repartee of the illiterate' George Bernard Shaw'Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition' Timothy Leary'A narcissist is someone better-looking than you are' Gore Vidal

The Funniest Things Ever Said New and Expanded

Author : Steven Price
File Size : 48.35 MB
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Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

Cornelius O Dowd Upon Men and Women and Other Things in General

Author : Charles James Lever
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The Sensible Girl s Guide to Emigrating Elegantly

Author : Sally Corner
File Size : 25.14 MB
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385,000 people left the UK in 2007 for a new life overseas, and women in their 20s and 30s were one of the biggest groups among them. In this book, Sally Corner passes on tips and advice for women on the move, based on her own experience of moving from London to Perth, the most remote city on earth. While dealing helpfully with the practicalities of emigration, The Sensible Girl's Guide to Emigrating Elegantly also focuses on the highly emotional mental journey that women experience when starting a new life overseas. Sally's lively and down-to-earth tone will inspire confidence in the readers whilst encouraging and amusing them with check lists, quizzes, questionnaires, and illustrations. Divided into two sections, the book looks at life before and after emigration. The opening chapters will help readers work out whether taking the plunge really is for them. If so, the rest of the book will lead them elegantly through everything they need to know to make life in their new country a great success.

Life Is a Funny Thing

Author : Jeff Charlebois
File Size : 39.98 MB
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A Company of Three

Author : Varley O'Connor
File Size : 87.29 MB
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“An old-fashioned novel . . . Elegantly wrought, hard-headed and tenderhearted about the world of actors and theater” (Michael Chabon, Pulitzer Prize–winning author). When Robert, Patrick, and Irene met in New York City in the late 1970s, they were all determined to become actors, and it felt as if the city—or even the world—could be their oyster. Robert was the good-looking, ambitious one. Patrick was tall, ungainly, but naturally dramatic. And Irene, a former rodeo star out of Kansas, was the beautiful ingenue. They were young, talented, and passionate, and they soon became inseparable. But their careers don’t all head in the same direction, and as their lives change course, friendships are tested—and they all face decisions that could undo them. A Company of Three features “a fascinating set of characters, who rely on and push each other away in equal measure, and their struggles are sure to engage readers, especially those interested in the cutthroat world of acting” (Booklist). “O’Connor’s clean, affecting prose and her book’s moving conclusion will stay with readers long after the curtain drops.” —Publishers Weekly

Some of the Funniest Things Happen in the Most Unlikely and Unexpected Places

Author : Glenn Martin
File Size : 83.7 MB
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This collection of stories was written for only one purpose-to make you laugh! These stories are not aimed at your mind, but at your funny bone. They are not supposed to make you smarter or wiser, but might keep you from taking yourself and life too seriously. When enjoying these stories, you may venture into restaurants or churches, attend weddings or funerals, and spend some time in the Army. And you may meet people who did not intend to be funny, but did funny things. These stories should put a smile on your face, and a chuckle in your voice. And if you laugh out loud, that would be okay, too. Laughter is not only good for your health, but it also does wonders for your spirit and your soul.

Forest and Stream

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The Sixth William

Author : John Neely Davis
File Size : 35.78 MB
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In an Alaskan bar, Creighton Roane watches a TV news story about multiple, gruesome murders that have occurred in a mountainous region of Tennessee. He is stunned when he recognizes the murder scene as the Findhorn River and the rugged Arn plateau, his childhood home. Memories stirred by the newscast develop into recurring nightmares as Creighton becomes aware of his own needs to see the mountains of his childhood and of reconciliation with his father. But the Findhorn valley hides whiskey-making murderous clans and revenge killings that span generations. An ancient stone fort sitting on the Arn plateau houses its own mystery of the massacre of the moon-eyed people and of the mentally unstable killer who gives his victims an amulet for their trip to the hereafter. Wrapped around all this is the gut-churning rapids of the Findhorn and the effect it has on those challenging its treacherous waters.

Journal of the Society for Psychical Research

Author : Society for Psychical Research (Great Britain)
File Size : 43.66 MB
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The News of the World Stories

Author : Ron Carlson
File Size : 45.54 MB
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These stories come at us from every direction. They are Ron Carlson's response to the eighties, the stories we will want by our sides as the decade ends. Whether it is a husband trying to bring his marriage back together or Bigfoot finally coming forward, Carlson's characters speak with radical honesty that is disarming. They are the men and women all around us who open the refrigerator at two in the morning and see the faces of missing children on the milk carton. The world is a large dose sometimes, and they wonder whether they can measure up to its danger and its magic.

Family Whispers

Author : Wanieta Isaacs
File Size : 26.16 MB
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I´ve been asked by many about the picture on the front cover of Family Whispers - From The Front Porch and looking back, I don´t know why I didn´t explain that it´s my family! On the left in the back, is my Daddy´s mother, Grandma Deed and on the right, his father, Grandpa Irv. On the left in the front, is Daddy´s sister, Hallie, in the middle is my Mother, Mae and the little girl, whispering to her Grandpa is me! Stories about all of them are in the book, so you´ll get to know them. So glad you asked!

A Little Death

Author : Laura Wilson
File Size : 51.9 MB
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Shortlisted for the Anthony Award for Best Paperback Original and the CWA Ellis Peters Award for Historical Crime Fiction. London, 1955. Three bodies are found in a house - but when the police search for the murder weapon, vital evidence is destroyed. One of the victims is former society beauty Georgina Gresham, prime suspect in the notorious murder of her husband, James, almost thirty years earlier. Beside her lie the bodies of her brother Edmund and housekeeper Ada. But there is a link with the past. In the 1890s, in a beautiful garden, three children played together. Their lives were secure, their future certain - until the youngest child was found with fatal head injuries...

Sloppy Firsts

Author : Megan McCafferty
File Size : 22.22 MB
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The first book in the New York Times bestselling Jessica Darling series When her best friend, Hope Weaver, moves away from Pineville, New Jersey, hyperobservant sixteen-year-old Jessica Darling is devastated. A fish out of water at school and a stranger at home, Jessica feels more lost than ever now that the only person with whom she could really communicate has gone. How is she supposed to deal with the boy- and shopping-crazy girls at school, her dad’s obsession with her track meets, her mother salivating over big sister Bethany’s lavish wedding, and her nonexistent love life? A fresh, funny, utterly compelling novel, Sloppy Firsts is an insightful, true-to-life look at Jessica’s predicament as she embarks on another year of teenage torment. From the dark days of Hope’s departure through her months as a type-A personality turned insomniac to her completely mixed-up feelings about Marcus Flutie, the intelligent and mysterious “Dreg” who works his way into her heart, this poignant, hilarious novel is sure to appeal to readers who are still going through it, as well as those who are grateful that they don’t have to go back and grow up all over again. “A hilarious trip down memory lane. You’ll laugh out loud–and cringe–as this first novel by McCafferty takes you back to the soap opera that was high school.”—Glamour

Where The Hell Is Podunk Texas

Author : Jay Grady
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A nostalgic look at an East Houston community that for over sixty years has been referred to as "Podunk," and the story of a record-setting basketball game played by the "Podunk Skunks" on March 9, 1948.

Never Look Back

Author : Clare Donoghue
File Size : 34.22 MB
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Never Look Back is a chilling and compelling debut crime thriller from Clare Donoghue set in South East London. For all those who enjoy Peter James, Mark Billingham and Peter Robinson. Three women have been found brutally murdered in south London, the victims only feet away from help during each sadistic attack. And the killer is getting braver . . . Sarah Grainger is rapidly becoming too afraid to leave her house. Once an outgoing photographer, she knows that someone is watching her. A cryptic note brings everything into terrifying focus, but it's the chilling phone calls that take the case to another level. DI Mike Lockyer heads up the regional murder squad. With three bodies on his watch, and a killer growing in confidence, he frantically tries to find the link between these seemingly isolated incidents. What he discovers will not only test him professionally but will throw his personal life into turmoil too.

Vengeance of the Demon

Author : Diana Rowland
File Size : 82.57 MB
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Vengeance of the Demon is the seventh installment of the acclaimed Demon series.

The Last Guardian of Everness

Author : John C. Wright
File Size : 51.71 MB
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The rave reviews for John Wright's science fiction trilogy, The Golden Age, hail his debut as the most important of the new century. Now, in The Last Guardian of Everness, this exciting and innovative writer proves that his talents extend beyond SF, as he offers us a powerful novel of high fantasy set in the modern age. Young Galen Waylock is the last watchman of the dream-gate beyond which ancient evils wait, hungry for the human world. For a thousand years, Galen's family stood guard, scorned by a world which dismissed the danger as myth. Now, the minions of Darkness stir in the deep, and the long, long watch is over. Galen's patient loyalty seems vindicated. That loyalty is misplaced. The so-called Power of Light is hostile to modern ideas of human dignity and liberty. No matter who wins the final war between darkness and light, mankind is doomed either to a benevolent dictatorship or a malevolent one. And so Galen makes a third choice: the sleeping Champions of Light are left to sleep. Galen and his companions take the forbidden fairy-weapons themselves. Treason, murder, and disaster follow. The mortals must face the rising Darkness alone. An ambitious and beautifully written story, The Last Guardian of Everness is an heroic adventure that establishes John Wright as a significant new fantasist. It is just the start of a story that will conclude in the companion volume, Mists of Everness. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

A Stroll Before Dark

Author : Richard Church
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In this collection of essays, Richard Church explores themes of countryside, poetry, family, and finding inspiration in the mundane. Split into two parts 'Moving About' and 'Sitting Still', these titles reflect the happy combination of travel sketches with literary criticism, of observations on household duties with the philosophy drawn from a lifetime's study and practice of the art of writing. First published in 1965, A Stroll Before Dark muses on everything from the wonder of the aurora borealis to the smallest details of life with a refreshing clarity and warmth. Whether discussing the habits of his pet cat, the poetry of John Betjeman, the differences between the changing, and yet unchanging, face of his beloved Kent or a visit to a South African game reserve, Church's readers will be enriched and entertained by the breadth of his knowledge, the elegance of his prose, and, above all, by his compassion, humour, and love of life.